All posts by Susan Ascher

This past November 21, 2014 I talked to Lisa Singer on Women’s Radio Network’s Open Forum and answered her questions about my new book, “Dude, Seriously, Get Your ASK in Gear!”.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my loyal clients, friends, and fans! I love the word Thanksgiving. It’s made of of something I try to practice every day: being thankful and giving. Sometimes it’s a thank you for the mundane, like to the waiter who refills your water glass before you ask. Sometimes it’s being thankful that a friend or relative conquered a disease they were fighting. And sometimes it’s just being thankful for all of the things we take for granted: our family, friends, the roof over our heads, our jobs, and of course, the fact that we get to celebrate all the abundance that we so often take for granted. On the other hand, the giving piece might mean collecting food for your local community food bank, or helping serve in a soup kitchen. For others it’s donating time or money to a charity for those less fortunate then we. Think about what Thanksgiving really means and express your gratitude in celebration of this wonderful holiday by thanking and giving to those around you!

Did you ever hear the phrase “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar”? Translation: treating people well never goes out of style.

A couple of months ago, I was driving down a major highway in the pouring rain. Even though I was running late for my meeting, I was not speeding. When I changed lanes to get out of the way of a Mack truck who was riding herd on my tail lights, I was shifting gears (yes, I drive a stick shift), and a state trooper came up from behind. As the lights on his car started twirling, my heart started racing, and sure enough, it was me he was pulling over. UGH.

I rolled the window down and the first words out of my mouth were, “I’m so sorry officer, what did I do”? He was very nice and responded: “I think you were texting and driving.” “Oh, no Sir”, I replied, “I was shifting gears to get out of the way of the truck who was tailgating me, and I must have looked down for a moment.” Registration and insurance IDs were produced, and after a few minutes, he came back and very kindly told me he was giving me a warning, and to just be more careful.

Which leads me to using please and thank you. How hard is it to insert please before ordering your morning joe at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? And why is it even harder to say thank you? In our haste to get where we have to be or get what we what to have, we sometimes forget to the niceties in life. The reality is, being considerate of other’s feelings, whether it’s I’m sorry, or please and thank you, good manners never go out of style.

I am not suggesting we can always find our way out of a situation by apologizing, but I guarantee hostile confrontation never diffuses a situation. When you do something wrong, or you hurt someone’s feelings, try saying “I’m sorry”. Not only is it healing to both parties,it allows you and the person you apologized to move on with dignity. As far as please and thank you, we can never say enough please and thank yous to the people who serve us, like us or love us.

Give theses phrases a try. Hopefully there will be more pleases and thank yous than I’m sorrys. Doesn’t matter, as long as long as you start practicing!

The ad campaign for Coke in the 20’s was, “It’s the Pause That Refreshes”. Kind of like stopping to smell the roses. Just like Kevin Cashman states in his book “The Pause Principle” we need to go slower to go faster. We need to stop to move ahead. We need to pause to reflect.

So often I find myself coaching my clients to pause, stop and reflect. To embrace serendipity. To be more spontaneous. And always, to seize the moment, all with the end goal being the ability to start something new, create something different, or gain the clarity required to push forward. Sometimes it’s a simple walk in the park, a yoga class, or a bubble bath. Other times it’s an all out escape from the day to day business of life. Now, here I was, deciding whether I would take my own advice.

Ok. I’m not going to lie. On the first of the month, I called a friend to schedule a book signing at a club that I used to be a member of out in Colorado. I asked Hanna what was new exciting and she told me that she and a small group were going on a trip to Napa and Sonoma, and why don’t I join them? When I asked the departure date, she said the 12th,of same month. The brain went into high gear. How could I figure this one out, I asked myself?

Having just come off a whirlwind of appointments, engagements and program development, I looked at the calendar and realized that if I could move a few things around that week, (which included a Monday holiday), I might actually be able to swing it.

Here I was, foodie, gourmand and wine connoisseur, being offered the opportunity to spend time in an intimate group setting of friends, in a beautiful place, which I hadn’t visited in 20 years. More importantly, I could take some time to refresh, re-create and pause to reflect.
I did what I always do when I have a significant choice to make. I slept on it, and the next morning I called Hanna and shouted out a big YES to her!

What came out of that pause that refreshed was being in a beautiful place, fun and laughs with friends,lots of great wine tastings,and tons of delicious meals with fodder for my own entertaining. Best of all, the pause that refreshed stoked the creative fire that gave me my idea for the title of the third book of my Dude trilogy. It was worth the journey 3000 miles west, just for that.

As Dr. Steve Kussin of CBS New York recently said: “Consequences are what follow as a result of particular actions.” He refers to the fact that while we are busy getting our kids into the right colleges, and in some cases, nursery schools, grammar schools and high schools, we are sorely lacking in helping them become independent, forward thinking adults, who can make good decisions, so that they can become contributing members to society.

Anyone who knows me, knows how close I am with my daughter, Sam. They also know the challenges that I, like almost every parent, face when it comes to raising an independent human being. From the time Sam brought in her first self-made art project in Kindergarten, an animal which…I don’t know what she called it… it was an orange with two cloves for eyes and a piece of apricot for the mouth… to most recently, when she moved out to Denver and landed her first job post college, with no prospects at the time btw, and only her meager savings, her mantra has always been: I can do it all by myself!

In hindsight, Sam HAS done it all by herself, and much like Frank Sinatra, she has done it HER way. Not always the easy way, sometimes the risky way, but always with her parents giving her the tools and setting the boundaries. It’s not easy and NEVER fun! Really? It’s fun telling your 15 year old kid they can’t go out on a Friday night because they did something inappropriate and now you have to listen to the whining and begging until the boundaries open up again? I THINK NOT! Teaching your kid the consequences of her actions….be they good or bad: THAT is our responsibility as parents.

We need to start worrying a little more about our kid knowing right from wrong, understanding that the company they keep is a reflection of who they are and where they are going, and that every action has a reaction: positive or negative.

Pushing your kid to be the the best athlete with the highest grades is great. But only if she realizes that every decision she makes in life has consequences. And being able to make good decisions in life is the true key to success.

Inspiration for this blog post:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-gilman/harvard-schmarvard-why-ge_b_5896976.html